Red Sonja (2025)
When I started watching this remake, I had no idea it was set in a stylized version of Barbarian Europe - a genre I usually avoid. But having pressed play, I figured I might as well see it through. The forest where Red Sonja first appears with her horse looks suspiciously like a city park. I half expected schoolchildren to wander in with picnic baskets and juice boxes. 
The opening scene depicts what’s meant to be a brutal massacre of a tribe, but I wasn’t shaken. Perhaps because the children, supposedly moments away from being trampled by barbarian horses, didn’t seem genuinely frightened. Their expressions felt more like mild confusion than terror.
Then Red Sonja appears; grown-up, inexplicably styled like a modern bikini model who’s been lost in the woods for two decades without access to a bath. She’s survived the massacre and somehow learned to fight with knives, though the film skips over any credible martial arts training.
I won’t spoil the plot, but even from the early scenes, it’s clear the film is headed for disaster. The actors deliver their lines with the awkwardness of stunt doubles suddenly asked to emote There’s no spark, no real tension, just the hollow echo of amateur performances. The fight scenes seem lacking of substance. Even the song they sing for tribal identity and defiance sound embarrassingly awkward and useless.
Visually, the cinematography and production design feel cheap, like a student film with a borrowed costume rack. The story itself is heavy-handed, and during the first act spelling out its political and religious themes with all the subtlety of a billboard. The leads don’t embody their roles so much as recite them.
No, this movie didn’t live up to expectations. I regret watching it and can’t help but wonder what’s gone wrong with Hollywood lately. In contrast, Chinese dramas feel far more compelling and well-crafted.
